Hello lovelies! I am officially the worst blogger on the planet! I really love blogging, but I love reading others blogs more than writing my own..hence why I am going on one post a month..my bad. But hey, there is always room for improvement!
Sidenote: I had this post all finished over a week ago and then it didn't save. So this post was meant for July. :(
Any who! This summer I have had the beautiful, fun experience of celebrating 1 year marks for a lot of my missionaries! Most of them being in July! This past year or six months that they have been serving has been CRAZY. And I am pretty sure that it gets crazier every day..like I can hardly keep up with how fast time is going. I can't believe that it has been a year since I had a million farewells, and tears streaming down my face cause I thought it was the end of the world with everyone leaving me. I mean, I have had some lonely nights, but I have come to embrace the lonely nights, which I think we should all learn to do. We have time for ourselves. To think and ponder, to do really well in your classes cause you have a lot of study time, to read a book you have been wanting to read or to catch up with old friends, to make new friends, to become best friends with your family. All that has really happened and I couldn't be more grateful for it. My testimony has never been stronger. I am pretty sure I say that like every post. But it's totally true. Every week I have the opportunity to get emails from my missionaries and every week my testimony grows. Not only through the emails and hearing their experiences, but through missing them, and praying for them and going through trials of my own.
This summer would also have been the summer I would have returned home from serving if I would have turned my papers in when I wanted. But I didn't and that's ok! When they changed the mission age I immediately wanted to serve. I was going through a rough patch with school and life and I thought a mission would solve it all. I met with my bishop wanting to start my papers and I was all gunho! It was what everyone was doing and excited about and asking about, so of course I wanted to be apart of this awesome opportunity to be in The Lords Army. Well. I was praying, and praying and praying. Trying to figure out if it was really what I needed to do, like duh, of course it was. Heavenly Father isn't going to tell someone not to serve. Wrongo. I had a ton of second thoughts, I was scared and worried and stressed. I just wanted an answer. I just wanted out. I got my answer. When I was discussing it with my mom one day. She was talking to me about serving and told me it would be hard to let me go, but if it is what I wanted she would support me all the way. But then she said you can't just run away from the things here at home though. You will have to face them all when you get back. People and school and everything. It isn't all just going to go away. I went to the temple--and received my answer.
I didn't serve a mission. And it was a hard decision. Not because I felt guilty --like I needed to be in the field. I didn't want to let people down. I was scared of losing all my friends who were going to serve and I wasn't. People kept asking me over and over why I wasn't serving, when i was going to put my papers in, and that I just needed to serve. It was a lot of pressure. Like how many times do you have to tell the same person you're not going? I felt like I was being judged. But guys, going on a mission isn't for everyone. It is a personal decision between you and The Lord. It is YOUR decision. Heavenly Father will love you no matter what. He will find another mission for you, even if you don't know it. We are all serving missions. The name tag just makes you cooler. So I'm not that cool and whatever, I am finally ok with that. The past year and a half I have learned more about myself than I thought I could. I have become closer with my Savior, I have made new best friends and gotten closer to my old best friends. I raised sheep! I got an awesome job that is a blessing in my life more than I ever would have thought! I completed 2 years of college and grown closer to my family more then ever. And it has been a beautiful ride.
xoxo, Nessa
